What Slaughtering Bert Kreisher Means for Acceleration Discourse

On killing comedy...

Never ask a woman her age, a man his salary, or a schizo his opinion. And yet here we are, offering up a fantastic diatribe from our friend Dimes of Blood Satellite &

The Vanguardist Journal

fame! Read on to discover how a bloated Joe Rogan guest acts as a canary in the coalmine of our dark future, and how our ultimate enlightenment is just one suplexed comedian away!

Enjoy!

What Slaughtering Bert Kreisher Means for Acceleration Discourse

I subscribe to the Bataille/Girard Theory of Celebrity, wherein we never truly moved past ceremonial productive sacrifice in the current capitalist epoch, and the demands of our mimetic existence require a scapegoat elected from society to rebalance our Satanic existence. The sacrifice must be something of value, otherwise it negates the divine annihilation. The community, when perennially worked up into a crisis of internal conflict through the corruption of relations through communication and mimetic desire, seeks out the eternal cause in a temporary form.

Bert Kreisher, like many celebrities, exists as a receptacle for daggers and scorn. Many social critics have remarked upon the populous’ proclivity to raise someone up just to watch them fall, and the Bataille/Girard Theory of Celebrity is the best we can achieve as sinners in a fallen state. Bert is what we infuse with value above that of any leader so we can watch him bleed and burn, this is how we drive out the crisis of the devil. This brutal display, of course, comes at the climax. I will be God’s Best Friend tomorrow, what I do with these blades is simply to ensure tomorrow arrives, like a wandering Tek-Samurai might.

The older I get, I find wisdom replaces the broiling kaleidoscope of hate in my heart. I am not a cruel man, and in every respect I endeavor to do as Katt Williams claims and be “God’s Best Friend.” This divine mission does not apply to Fat Comedy’s Bert Kreisher, an international alcoholic sensation that I, would that I could, laser focus a universe of shocking depravity onto. I am not a cruel man, but when I imagine him screaming with tears running down his face as he is strapped in some fantastic machine pulled from the Saw franchise; I begin to laugh, alone. I am laughing right now. I want to tie his limbs to horses and have them flee to each end of the compass, and just as his body is about to rip apart from the intense tension, I order them to reverse course, granting a moment of relief and perhaps even hope, before he is merely twisted in new directions, then I repeat. I want to edge Bert Kreisher being ripped limb from limb. But make no mistake, this does end with him annihilated, with me rolling around in his guts, cackling until my dehydrated throat surrenders the vomited remains of his genitals and rectum.

Bert Kreisher appears at the fulfillment of the social ceremony, performing in arenas to take his shirt off and tell stories about “penising“ a cheeseburger or whatever. He is the center of wackness, appropriating the exciting digital language, one which must necessarily move beyond him. He posts incessantly on social media; he develops his brand with Millennial cynicism; he searches for constant content virality; he grifts white label products tangentially connected to his media presence, and if he isn’t currently pushing a rugpull shitcoin, it’s only because he’s too wet-brained. Bert is worse than a corporation adopting internet culture: he is the Untermensch that signals to corporations that they need to start trawling for innovative nerds on the margins of communication once again. Bert becoming a social media maven, to translate this into Millennialese, is like when moms started saying “fo shizzle my nizzle.” Something in this house has died, and we need to locate it immediately.

These nerds, the bitter petite-bourgeoisie ensconced in consumerist pursuits, exist within the margins of society where innovation occurs. In the social models of power designed by everyone from Machiavelli to Innis, there exist concentric circles of power, with the rigid and bureaucratic state at the center, followed by institutions that often operate as their own centers of power, with the people or citizenry on the periphery. Many see this as evidence that the people do not matter, but while studying the development of language and most significantly communication media, it becomes clear that this is the zone which generates the most adaptive forms of communication and thought, which are by degrees adopted by the center of power thus inspiring new — often more dynamic and fluid — methods on the periphery once more.

Centers of power prefer media optimized for time, while the edges prefer media optimized for space, and the transition from space to time tends to lock out the commoners from access. This is what happened in the publishing industry, where paper was once the domain of new and exciting ideas, but now it exists as a segregated space that seems to solely exist to bestow prestige and imply legitimacy within the annals of power.

As this was occurring, internet communication was flourishing, and traditional publishing scrambled to remain relevant. As it stands now, publishing wants radical innovation and the digital space craves legitimacy, so both sides glare fiendishly at each other. This is why complex states struggle to innovate and prefer to absorb. From parchment to the forums, we see new ideas blossoming in fertile outer gardens containing beautiful flowers and poisonous weeds alike. It is often the purview of the conflicted ecosystem of elites to figure out which ones are nurtured.

At one point comedians were staunch defenders of the right to be offensive, notably a few years ago when everyone was trying to rebel against what were termed the “social justice warriors” by making offensive jokes. It was not a crusade for free speech, but for comedians in particular to say whatever they want on stage; the stage was a safe space. That cohort has now aged into irrelevance, stating that the youth have piloted society to a place where they make the rules, and it is incumbent on us to update our operating systems.

Fedora-wearing huckster Bert occupied both ends of this argument at various times, and present he proclaims he has become enlightened by his children, and it is time to let the daughters of the world take the lead from. Anthoy Jeselnik, who made a career out of jokes about raping children to death at holocaust museums, also proclaims the time has come for us all to grow up. These are not soldiers; these are mercenaries attempting to discern which way the winds of conflict are turning so they can be on the winning side. They cannot have a place in the culture war (despite what comedians often proclaim) they remain sacrifices.

Bert represents the apotheosis of this mercenary mentality, of total surrender on this front of the culture war — along with approximately half of the comedy world presently — which has become exhausted by what was termed “cancel culture” by saying that they now need to adapt. For this treachery Bert should be placed in a hanging cage for pirates and left for the buzzards. I stand beneath him, hollering that I will save his piss for witchcraft. We both know I am bluffing, but maybe I’m not. Maybe I’m getting heat stroke out there too, maybe I die with him in fulfillment of this divine mission. Some men want to watch the world Bert.

I occasionally think back to the book Childhood’s End by Arthur C. Clarke, a gripping story where an alien race invades Earth and proceeds to benevolently bestow upon humanity all their materialist desires while secretly pursuing their own agenda. More spiritual a book than you might believe at the outset, the aliens are depicted as the natural endpoint of scientific development, granted mastery of the material world but lacking anything like a soul, having surrendered it millennia ago as a Faustian bargain. Clarke makes a point midway through, when listing the similarities between them and humans, that they can’t comprehend music. They are just puzzled by it completely.

It reminds me of the great Frederich Nietzsche and how the genesis of his worldview seemed to take inspiration from the musical corpus of Richard Wagner, whom he knew personally during his life. A remarkable case of drawing philosophy from music, arguably a superior way to craft a metaphysics of life than an intricate scaffolding of political minutiae. There are people in my circles who conjure their politic through art and literature, and they seem to be the only ones who can step over the muck of trivial critical discourse and apprehend something true. Perhaps something meaningful — if not holistic — can only emerge from the realm of art, and passion. Bert Kreisher is disconnected from music, from this spirit of creation. His sweaty redhead has never even been within sniper’s distance of these inquiries.

What constitutes our zeitgeist? I suspect more than law or even ideology, it is that which inspires our actions, music and literature being two examples. This belief sits at the heart of a recent article by Nick Land titled “This is Why we Need the Canon Wars”, an essay on how the real culture war is the election of that which cannot be removed.

There exist literary works within the collective English mindscape — Shakespeare, the King James Bible, and Beowulf would be three examples — that are so foundational to Western civilization and weave so deeply into the DNA of our being that they achieve spiritual status. Ironically, Charles Darwin’s “On the Origin of Species” would also sit in this canon, and it is our current struggle to reconcile both the innovation of secular humanism with the splintered Christianity which also constitutes the genetic code of Western thought. Crucial to understanding this concept is how it is beyond the control of any individual what ends up elevated to this civilizational canon, at times it seems we can only observe as tectonic shifts occur over centuries. "The canon apprehends religion as culture, and culture as literature," says Land. This will echo concepts you may have heard before, such as “Cultural Christian” where even Atheists recognize the historical importance of Christianity on the European mind and its modern creations. Whether or not you believe it is right or wrong, it appears to be central to our discourse.

Those who are reading this have been drafted into the canon war, and while we cannot singularly control the outcome, we are called upon to participate. Many of us will go to our graves fighting this war, but to a true warrior the war is never over. This culture war can never be over, because culture is never over. You cannot dutifully ignore war any more than you can abandon your identity; on both counts its treachery.

It is easier to speak of The Canon War as an eternal battle in Heaven and the tremors of which we are merely subjected to, but I endeavor to be more practical. Down here where the rubber meets the road, this war is one where everything cultural is weaponized, which means everything can be wielded; tradition against progressivism, ideology against spirituality, identities vying for control at every conceivable dimension. In our struggle to apprehend truths our ancestors took for granted we are harassed on all sides by psychological, chemical, and biological aggressors. We are aware of this conflict and litigate them through politics, capital allocation, and occasional crime. We are able to wield these metaphysical constructs by stepping outside of ourselves, where we find our true battlefield: the Western man’s battlefield is the space outside of metaphysics.

It is not just those on the margins who are twisted into these strange mental configurations. We are a civilization of meta people, and we cannot turn back the clock on being meta, to return to a previous time where people believed things wholeheartedly. Appreciation of the past is required to find one’s mooring in a chaotic time; however, we now understand it must be an appreciation of the entire past, the entirety of the canon. We may vacation there, but even the lowly conscript feels uneasy amongst the tribals, wherever they may be located.

The only real retvrn is tomorrow.

Bert Kreisher only believes in the now, a realm where I dangle a piano over his bloated monster body like in Looney Tunes. A woodpecker goes at the rope while I smoke a big fat stogie. Third divorce. “I wish your penis took a day ON!” she sneered at me. Life is only real to the unreal, I repeat as a stinking mantra.

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So who are the freaks on the margins right now, tasked with toiling away on the modes and models which are destined to be digested by the organs of power? It could be you, but if it is you’re going to find yourself eking out a living in the jungle owned by the California Ideology. Advocates of this worldview don’t outwardly call it that, but it’s a catchall term referring to technocrat billionaires and their moonshot socio-political projects. They once believed the convergence of media, computing and telecommunications would inevitably result in an electronic direct democracy, one in which everyone would be able to express their opinions without fear of censorship. Years ago, we would have called them Tech-Bro-Libertarians, but some of that baggage has been jettisoned and they are currently found in the e/acc movement by

Beff Jezos

and

bayeslord

. These are the tech investors and digital tycoons, and their supporters, who believe that racing as fast and aggressively as possible towards new technology is the only way to achieve infinite growth potential and thereby the access to all material boons conceivable by all peoples. You will see these same individuals as part of the Longevity Movement that seeks to cure death, presumably for everyone but that is never explicitly stated.

Encouraged by Canada’s media luminary Marshall McLuhan's predictions, West Coast radicals pioneered the use of new information technologies for the alternative press, community radio stations, home-brew computer clubs and video collectives. These individuals cut across a variety of ideologies; Left wing priors reaching Right wing conclusions, realized through Libertarian politics and a heaping helping of counterculture in all forms.

These are the individuals seeking the spigots of capital opened over innovative technologies, and currently have a passive stake in identifying who the next radical thought leaders will be. There are fair odds that they may even follow you on social media, just to see what blossoms. You may not be interested in them, but they may very well be interested in you. You need not even see them as your enemies, but you must be aware that any movement in truly remarkable zones can be viewed as a chessboard from high enough of a vantage point.

Who they will not follow is Bert Kreisher, or any of his comedian friends. The Truth Tellers, in reality the cultural bureaucrats who pray at the Altar of It Is What It Is, evangelists of the Church of Changing With the Times. No heterodox thoughts are permitted in the champagne room of the status quo, only increasingly self-deprecation and proclamations of degeneracy.

One of the most important proclamations made by McLuhan, seemingly ignored by the California Ideology advocates currently running our political organs and economy, is Western retribalization through the explosive adoption of electronic media. Understanding this begins with acknowledging that Western man walked a long and lonely path of individuality, shepherded along by a focus on literacy and analysis marking the divide between a literate vs. an oral culture (especially oral culture represented in pictograms.) This is why true collectivism seems so alien when compared to what can be achieved in the East, arguably nigh impossible in the Anglosphere. Where literacy narrowed our awareness into a scalpel with which to apprehend truth through abstracted inquiry, the electrical revolution ushered in a new paradigm of interconnectivity and forced this explosion of development into a total inward-racing collapse of awareness. Electricity forced the individual into intimate proximity to all, especially through the digital medium. What happens when a hyper-individual mind is forced to tribalize like his ancient ancestors, brought into interconnectedness through the forced proximity of electronic extensions? What does it feel like right now?

The only wrong way to do it would be to behave like huge diseased freak Bert Kreisher, who like many other celebrities uses connection as a pretense for projection. When a normal person peers inward eventually they reach the nucleus of humanity and glace at the fingerprints common to all souls. When they gaze inward, they see only a mirror, and when they project into the electronic realm, they seek only to coldly manufacture these divine fingerprints and commodify their own.

Retribalization for the culture warrior means seeking out an electronically networked community armed with mind weaponry, which stands as the singular direct threat to the ossified center of power which is betting hard on secular humanism in the form of “democracy”. The economic pendulum has swung from the Washington Consensus — meaning economic libertarianism and small government, which was understood by both Liberals and Conservatives decades ago — to the Buenos Aries Consensus, meaning wider acceptance of big government and socialist policies. The data on this can be gathered from financial headlines, but tracking the popularity of populist rhetoric and nationalist solutions pronounced by the Conservatives would indicate Bush/Thatcher economics has fallen out of prominence and the rugged individual is seen as naive. The name of the game is new unifications where broad collectivism has failed, and most importantly new destinations for capital to land.

This may sound good to many on the About-To-Be-Arrested Right, but it should be assumed that certain groups will be locked out of benevolent socialism, which explains the bad taste many Westerners have in their mouths regarding it. They believe if they advocate for Universal Basic Income it will be distributed equally, but we see in Canada — which is pioneering this solution at scale — there are already clauses built in to prioritize certain groups deemed higher risk.

The light of equality will never shine upon you, and gold will not be blown across all groups equally. Secular-Humanism has likely codified exceptions to you, and Davos Socialism has no use for troublemakers who ask difficult questions. This cynicism must crystallize into practical survivalism. The era of the individualistic cowboy is over, retribalization occurred (unfortunately pioneered by busted laptop hippies,) and this phase shift especially impacted the deterritorialized. Drawing inspiration is not the same as discovering answers, and rebellion against momentum is far less successful than rebellion employing momentum.

A momentum propelling us through the body of Bert Kreisher, shattering him to smithereens and spreading guts and sorrow all over God’s creations.

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